Moment of Weakness
by CassidyTVNut
Summary: Ric looking back to his past with Diane whilst considering why he kissed Lilah. To me, there is a link here.


**Moment of Weakness**

****_A Ric/Diane fic that brings up their past and his whole sexual harrassment debacle with Lilah. In my mind, these are his motives for kissing Lilah. Looking back, she does resemble her a bit._

Throwing himself into his office chair, he held his head in his hands. Of all the stupid things he could have done, that was quite possibly worse than all of his stupid actions combined.

'Why me?!' he exclaimed in frustration. He couldn't understand how the world could be so cruel to him and present him with these circumstances. She'd been gone for so long, and had very obviously never been far from his thoughts. In fact, he blamed himself a lot, he was pretty sure that everyone else did. And here was yet another thing to add to his list of moronic things he'd done over the course of his love for her.

How was he meant to know that 6 years after she died, a promising young medical student who reminded him so much of her would walk through the double doors of Keller. With that stubborn headstrong nature, gentle personality and obvious talent, it was like looking at Diane the first time he met her.

She'd been in the same position as Lilah back then, a junior doctor, barely qualified and looking for guidance. He had seen her clear as day talent and took her under his wing, nurturing her talent and helping her to progress. Sometimes she drove him insane, others her sensitivity shone through and all he wanted to do was hold her.

His first kiss with Diane had taken place in the staffroom, where he had found her in tears after a trying case where a young patient died. Ric wasn't really sure why she decided to kiss him that evening, but he was so glad she did. And what obstacles they'd faced since then.

They'd both married, seen different people, worked together, betrayed the other, confessed to the other and made enough cock-ups to last a lifetime. If only he'd acted differently, done something to let her know how much he adored her and wanted to be with her. Maybe then he would have noticed her descending into a dark frame of mind, maybe that frame of mind would have never come to forbearance. So many maybes and what ifs that all he could do would blame himself. They would probably have been married by now, perhaps with children, if he'd have just got his act together.

Sitting by her side in the mortuary as she lay there, barely cold and dead, battered, covered in dry blood but still his Diane, he couldn't help but cry. He wanted to see solace in a bottle, his old coping mechanism which she'd heavily discouraged. He'd give up anything she wanted for her to be here with him right now, alive and well.

All of those years of longing, and in came Lilah Birdwood. She looked a bit like Diane, a similar shape of face and hair colour that he remembered from the old days. He knew he was way past his peak, he had loved Diane from when she was a young medical student, but he was much older now. And Diane was different, she saw something in him that most young women would ignore.

And in a moment of weakness, helping Lilah with her failed assignment, he kissed her. He should have known that it wouldn't compare to Diane's kisses, but by-proxy, he felt her presence. But it was oh so wrong, he knew it very well. How could he even begin to explain? He very well couldn't tell her she reminded him of his dead ex-girlfriend/best friend that he had let down. That moment in the lab, he may as well have been looking at Diane. That tenacity, the need to prove herself if she failed, always striving to be better. It reminded him so much of Diane that he lost control.

All he could do was hope that no consequences lay in store for him.

Stretching out his legs and massaging his temples, he proceeded to attempt to get up out of his desk chair.

'I am getting too old for this,' he murmured, his eyes flicking to an old picture of him and Diane in Ghana.

**I know I'm a bit out of the game (Sixth Form then uni does that to you), and I can't say I will post stuff that often, unless I get a random urge like I did today**


End file.
